“Love is found in the things we’ve given up, more than in the things that we’ve kept.”
That’s a quote from a Rich Mullins song, and it’s been on my mind lately. It prompts a memory of an article I read many moons ago from David Brooks that made such an impact I paraphrased it for myself. I recently found my paraphrasing, even though I can’t locate the original article.
My paraphrasing of the David Brooks article:
There is huge pressure in our culture, and it influences how we think and what we do. We are told we need to be successful in our careers, that we need to be our own individual (“you do you!”) and that we can make ourselves happy if we focus on accomplishing the right things. Especially for young people, that we should go out and collect a bunch of experiences, and whoever collects the most wins. We tell these stories to each other hoping to win respect from others, but none of it leads to happiness – to those feelings of rich fulfillment.
Our culture is lying. What’s the truth about happiness? People on their death beds tell us happiness and fulfillment are not found through achievement but in committed, deep relationships. Family, friends, community.
The big lies our culture tells us:
1. Career success = fulfillment.
2. I can make myself happy.
3. Life is an individual journey.
4. You have to find your own truth.
No!
Happiness is found amid thick and loving relationships. In giving and receiving care. This is hard to do – it’s hard to communicate from your depths and not your shallows; it’s hard to stop ‘performing’ for other people, especially since we must ‘perform’ to earn an income.
No one teaches us how to do this.
The truth is, the people who have the best lives tie themselves down. They don’t ask, “What’s the next cool thing I can do?” They ask, “What’s my responsibility here?” They respond to some problem or get called outside of themselves by some deep love. By planting themselves in one neighborhood, or one organization, or one mission, they earn trust. They earn the freedom to make a lasting difference. It’s the chains we choose that set us free.
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